The Similarities between my Oga and Michael Scott

— My Office and The Office

Taaaa tatatatan

tatantan tan tada

tadadadana tana tantan.

Kulum

OK. Now that we are done with all the clownery, let’s go to the real clownery. Because that is what all of this is. White-faced, red, yellow, and deep purple shades of clownery.

Imagine this. You get to a new place where you have been assigned to work, and this so happens after a whole week of binge-watching Season 1 of The Office.

The road is treacherous and you have arrived there dusty, famished, tired, and very not willing to take on the assignment, but your new boss and his wife are eager to receive you. A little too eager. In fact, your boss has this particular eccentric aura that you are aware is supposed to mean good and should be pleasant, but comes very off. And you start wondering, “Why is this character so familiar? Where have I seen this person before?” But you don’t have to wait too long.

Your new boss clarifies everything with you: your accommodation arrangements, your transport allowance, and he even offers to foot your transport expenses for the day. When you refuse the offer, he insists. He says things like “You know one thing about me? I just love education. Anything education, I have passion for it.” And you look at his face, and you find, really etched in rows on his forehead, passion. Everything seems too familiar and the memory is slipping away at the tip of your fingers. Until you are introduced to a co-worker and he tells you that his name is Dwight. That is when it all comes to you. You almost laugh out loud and thank God your lungs don’t make it, because it would have been for reasons everyone would be oblivious to. In the same way the person who is reading this would be oblivious if they have not seen The Office. You can stop reading now if this is you.

However, after that, it only takes half of a second for you to realise who you are. Of course, you are the cool guy. And no, not Temp. The other guy. Jim fucking Halpert.

And that was exactly who I was and who I have been in our office. I have been Jim. Jim Halpert.

First, of all, I would like to say to all the naysayers and nonbelievers that alternate realities are re-al-i-things. (See what I did there?)

Narcissism finds a good home with my boss. He owns a church, and he is popularly known as Pastor in the community, so a lot of the students just call him that. He also owns a poultry farm, and from all indications, this school isn’t run by the fees paid by these students. All these apparent facts aren’t lost on my boss. And he makes sure they aren’t lost on anyone else. He takes pleasure, and most of the assembly time, in going over the school’s most recent projects and prospects to the children, who, thinking about it now, are constantly impressed.

“Do other schools have a swing?” The kids would scream NOOOOO!

“Do they have good drinking water, that prevents them from buying water outside?” The kids would groan again, “NOOOOOO!”

Yes. I was as shocked as you are, but it took a while for me to realise that that was the way things went in the area. The local rivalry and the braggadocio had to be funny to anyone at first.

And not all of these happen unprovoked anyway. One time, a parent came to the school to scream at my boss because the management had increased the stationery from N200 to N350 in the bill. The next day, assembly lasted reasonably longer.

However, aside from this ugly part, there was the funny part. The part where my boss would misapply familial and professional gestures while relating with his employees. It was in how he would ask about our nights, and speak to us about politics, etc. I will not speak about how he had advised me to save all of my allowances so that at the end of my service year I could go on and get married. But there were days he expanded on his rivalry with schools in the area, and he asked and told me things that were far from professional, and I understood. I understood that there was nothing closer to Michael Scott in the entire world than this man.

Our Michael had found success on every front at his ventures, and however local, he seems like someone with the insight to take it to the next level. However, his ideas, narrow and simple, do not take enough space to accommodate all the uncertainties of life. Yet, Michael had very little use for new unsolicited ideas that were any less dramatic.

He is a happy michaelscottish man, married to a wife who isn’t a Jan or Carol, but more like Meredith. She acts as the administrator of the school and gives biros and markers when I and other staff of the office need them.

There is this other corps member that came with me. She should be Pam, quiet and gentle. But hey, I am not in love with her. So she is Angela, a total antithesis of another co-worker that is an exact Kelly, jittery and smiling. Then we have our own Phyllis, who seems to be in a most comfortable situation, and her husband has a motorcycle with which he picks up her children after school. Our Stanley is a woman, cool and just wants to be left alone. And we find the black doppelganger of Creed in the Yoruba teacher.

Then there is my lodge mate who is a mix of Toby and Ryan the Temp because Michael doesn’t seem to tolerate him that much. He has his own ideas and so does Michael. Sadly, as long as things aren’t going Michael’s way, we all know how things would turn out.

In this alternate universe, our Dwight is a cool guy. He writes poems and wants to do music. He is the only one in the office that comes to mind when I think about who will read this article with good humour. So Dwight is more like Kevin, resulting in the non-existence of Dwight. Rightfully so too, because only one Dwight is enough for all realities, and there can only be one Dwight Shrutte.

This is the part where I add a disclaimer that overall, like Michael Scott, my boss is astounding. His commitment to education is like none other I have ever seen. Every word that comes from his mouth is profoundly honest, and if hyping oneself every other day wasn’t seen as such a character flaw he would be just like any other person. Loved, seeking to be loved, awkward and efficient at his job.

I know I could do better, but for a good many circumstances, he has become my oga. And if you ask me, he is a very good boss. But you don’t need to ask this question when you meet him. He might just tell you.

Ikorodu

20th April, 2021